Overcoming The Past

The enemy’s target

Life has a way of life’n and I certainly find myself confused of the circumstances. Why me? Why must I suffer? Am I not good enough to go through life with a smooth path. I ask of God for alignment but like the target I am the enemy surely knows how to come and intervene.

As the bow pulls the arrow back and aims at the target instantly I fall. The enemy always seem to find a way and lure me back in. His job is to make us feel defeated and steal every ounce of joy we have. I then find myself understanding that in the mist of our trials we are to focus more on the problem solver and not the problem.

So once I find myself drained of my challenges I shift my focus into “he“ who is able to pull me through. I noticed that once that arrow hits I’m scarred but in the mist God always help me to stand again, wash me clean of the dirt and restores me once again to head back on the path he has designated specifically for me.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” -John 16:33

Something I learned about life, it’s not what we go through but the faith we have to get through it determines how far we overcome it. I often hear the term “walk by faith, not by sight,” but what happens when what you preach becomes what you have to put into practice?

God didn’t promise me, you, or anyone else life would be perfect and smooth sailing but he did promise us eternal life. There’s also a good verse Jeremiah 29:11 where God indicates he has a plan for you, to prosper you not harm you. I meditate on those words and I myself believe whatever obstacle that is sent my way, in the end I will bloom, you will bloom, we all will succeed.

Prosper : to become strong and flourishing.

• grow vigorously
• be successful
• get ahead
• advance
• thrive
• make one’s mark

Have you ever thought what’s life without hard times? What’s life without redirection? I figure we need each moment to help us appreciate the good moments. Before God gives you great he will test you to see if you’re able to handle the breakthrough.

As I look back over my life I realized I needed every arrow the enemy aimed at me, I needed to fall and gain scars, I needed things to not go right when I thought they would. For whatever it is God is preparing I know with great gratitude I would live to shout my praise, I will embrace whatever it is that’s coming my way.

Never focus too much on your pain when there’s a healer.

When pipes burst we call a plumber, when cars break down we call the mechanic, when we’re sick we call on a doctor but in all things we call on God.

I figure this has to be one of the hardest decisions in life. You plan life out with someone and they end up being the total opposite. The more you hold on the lesser your value is into that person’s eye. I know why we hold on, it’s because we’re afraid to see the other move on without us but just think and reevaluate if this person is for me why am I hurting? Why am I confused and left feeling abandoned?

My uncle told me years ago “love shouldn’t hurt,” it stuck with me a long while. You see love is peaceful, it brings comfort, it’s happiness, it takes patience, but most importantly it takes two!

My idea mate is someone who is understanding, kind, compassionate, someone who leads, a person who loves deeply and enjoy family time, someone I can be open with, someone who would love and accept me and my child that’s my type of love. In everything I listed my person showed me different so moving on wasn’t just something I had to do it became something I needed to do.

Love had a stronghold on me that I accepted the bare minimum. Now as life passes me by I’m able to stand firm and set boundaries because moving on has strengthen me. If I hadn’t chose to walk away I’d be just another good woman wasting her potential on a man who isn’t ready.

I stand firm in who I am, yes I love consistency & flowers would make my day. I solely believe life after you has been my greatest joy. I can breathe now, when I look at me I see a greater value in who I am. Life’s greatest lesson was moving on as God orchestrate my life.

Sometimes moving on is the hardest pill we have to swallow but I refuse to let an unsure soul continue to dampen my unique spirit. One day you’ll realize and yes you’ll try to come back and that is when you’ll realize I am no longer weak to you. I took my power back and you’ll watch me succeed in every aspect of my life.

I wish you realized what you had before I walked away. You’ll no longer be able to manipulate me, talk down on me or make me feel low. Im loving me now, I’ve decided to put me first!

-Farewell ❤️

God, You know everything about me. You know what I’m going to say before I speak it. You know all of my thoughts, desires, and intentions. All that I am, I give to You. And starting today I commit to intentionally evaluating every thought that I have. Please remove any idea or behavior that will keep me from becoming the person you’ve created me to be. Thank you for being the one I can always confide in and for loving me as I am. You are a good God, and I am grateful for You. In Jesus name I pray 🙏🏾Amen🙏🏾

I looked at myself lately thinking I lost something special when all life was teaching me was to “prepare.” I had high hopes of making it last, the many nights of prayer only turned into God replacing it with something greater.

Sometimes we have to let things go for better to come ..

I had no intentions of running into you but as life passes by opportunities flow in. You were certainly my best “offer.” For hours we sit and talk about anything, you’re open & honest I could tell you anything.

Now as I watch you lay I smile and become weak. Your smile, those white teeth is always the highlight of my day. You reassure me to keep going, you challenge me when I feel defeated. You uplift me when I feel beaten. God took his time with you.

My love languages you fulfill, at times I have to look at my hands and ensure that I’m human. I never thought my desires would come true. Here I am watching those around me receive the love that always lacked me but as I begin to work on myself you appeared, stepped in, and accepted all of me.

Flaws & All ..

With you I’m calm, with you I’m patient, with you I’m understanding, with you I’m nurturing, as I lay in your arms the presence of comfort and peace surrounds me.

I feel safe with you, in you I feel whole I feel complete. I honor you I value who you are, thank you for being everything they never were, someone like you is rare to come by.

To Be Continued….

https://anchor.fm/courtney-dillard/episodes/Sex-ISNT-just-Sex-e1vt5t7

As I end my vacation I’ve certainly had a great week filled with love encountering new people and overall having this overflow of peace.

This time with myself has helped my mental. I hiked, went to the gym 2x a day, journaled, and attended leadership meetings.

The day I hiked I placed my feet into the waters and meditated to the sounds of the waters flowing through the creek. I allowed peace in as I inhaled and exhaled manifesting great moments to come.

“That moment was time itself, I’m learning to value my moments more…”

I was asked a lot of why did I take an early vacation but truth is we all need some time alone to refocus and get back into alignment.

I remember typing the blog about my vacation beginning and now I’m typing it has came to an end. Did you see how time has passed? So swiftly right?

“Time is free, but it’s priceless. You can’t own it, but you can use it. You can’t keep it, but you can spend it. Once you’ve lost it you can never get it back.” – Harvey Mackay

A great quote I always took in about the passing of time. So what are you doing with your time? These are moments we can’t get back. Your moments should be filled with moments that create memories and surrounded with those you see purpose with.

Today’s therapy session we covered how to bring peace into a relationship. I wanted to share some things in hopes of helping more women step into their most calm era. This was an area I struggled in but as I’ve evaluated some things I’ve learned it’s okay to ease the tension and show affection.

You really do not have to nag the life out of a man that has chosen to love and cherish you.

The woman in a relationship – should be a calming force to their man’s life and provide him with an escape from the harsh realities of this world.

Ways to give a man stability:

1. Love him dearly and always express it. Let him know you’re always his number one fan.

2. Respect him and all that pertains to him. Respect is one of the greatest needs of men. As a matter of fact, they value their self respect more than they value the things of the heart.

3. Appreciate his efforts no matter how little they may seem. You never can tell how much sacrifice he makes just to see you happy and comfortable.

4. Never look down on him. Hold him in a very high regard and never give others the opportunity to look down on him.

5. Resist the urge to talk back at him especially when he’s angry. You can always come back when he’s in a better mood and then talk things over.

When talking things over, address him in a proper and calm tone. Talk like a well-mannered lady that you really are.

6. Listen attentively to him. Allow him express himself too and listen while he talks. There’s no communication without attention.

7. Pamper him. Praise him when he does things for you. Infact, even for no reason, surprise him with gifts too.

8. Make sweet and passionate love to him when he needs it. Ease him off the stress and tension of the day’s activity. It has a subsconscious effect on the mind in terms of relaxation.

9. Give him some space whenever the need arises. It helps him unwind, clear his head, and reason out solutions to problems.

10. Always Pray For Him. Stand in the gap for him at all times. Be his backbone. Be that woman that tirelessly intercedes for her man. Always commit his endeavours into the hands of the Almighty and watch Him protect, guide, provide and of course, bless your man abundantly in all things.

Remember that a loving peaceful relationship is one in which both partners accept each other for all of their flaws and mistakes, and support each other unconditionally. Do your best to care for your partner, but never forget your needs and desires.

Attending that church service as I normally do and never knowing the flow of service just happy to be in the atmosphere and be in God’s presence. It was after worship they switched things up and up front there was a cross with a table in front.

On that table there were pins to attach index cards as we write some things down to place at the cross. A broken woman I was knowing this was my time I walked to the front ready to let go of it all.

There as I stood writing down everything I could think of the past traumas, anger, resentment, abandonment, self doubt, unforgiveness & etc… I cried ready to release and I told myself I’m ready I then pinned my card and told God I give it all to you.

1 Peter 5:7 NLT

“ Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.”

In this verse it’s plain and clear that’s exactly what God wants of us to place every and anything at his feet. He’s letting us know he’ll handle it all. Immediately you lay those worries before God, they are no more your responsibilities.

After 7 years of being single and what I thought was healed made me realize I wasn’t and to be honest I then heard it from someone else of the work that I needed to do within myself so on Feb 2nd I found a therapist to guide me along this process.

There were times I would get angry and think of the times I was choked or the nails that was pressed into my skin which left me bruised. The times I heard I was fat and I wasn’t a good mother. It was those things that always carried me through thinking how could one treat me so cold. Maybe those words stuck with me every so often that I actually believed them about myself.

No one knew what I was battling I always pretend to be happy to avoid the question of being asked “what’s wrong?”

I always said to myself I don’t need therapy God is my therapist, as I humble myself and speak I can now speak and say therapy is the one keeping me together. I’ve never been able to release so much but feel so good about myself. I even feel the change within me.

Lately I’ve been feeling whole and now my reaction to certain things are different. I wanted to blog today to only let others know it’s okay to go through something but you must find a solution to let go of the enemies lie. If not you’ll only bring more damage to yourself and you’ll be living a lie as if I was.

I always thought I was happy but this is now my happy place. Although I still have more to work on within me, therapy is actually cool. You’re talking to someone who understands you and doesn’t judge your circumstances. This will truly help me as I continue to fulfill my purpose.

“Don’t let life pass you by staying stuck in that empty season …”

I want to be the best woman, wife, mother, sister, daughter, grand daughter, niece you name it. A healed woman I am, a healed woman I will be. You must help yourself to be better if not you’ll only receive a life of destruction and missed opportunities.

My message to you:

Do not let the words of others dictate how you view yourself. Do not let the words of others cause your value to decrease within yourself. Do not let the words of others cause you to want to bring harm amongst yourself. In life people will have their own opinion about you and well that’s just that, “THEIR” opinion! What are some things you can do to break that curse you’ve been believing? How can you bring the deepest level of happiness to yourself? I encourage you all to find ways to tap into your unique self and understand the true value you hold.

I realize when you’re happy in life the enemy will always try to shine light over your past and take you back down to that path of destruction. I certainly left the light on and forgot to hit the switch but not this go around I’m well prepared to know the tricks and schemes. As I hear often people say “Not Today Satan” I say it loud and clear. You will not defeat me, the switch is now off!

Usually on a Sunday I’d grab a quick bite to eat after church but this Sunday I felt like whipping something up. My family knows me well to know that my laziness with cooking is at an all time high. It’s not that I don’t know how to cook but buying is much convenient.

Today I wanted to do something quick and simple so I made dinner for me and my son. In fact the meal was so delicious we went back for seconds. I thought to myself I should’ve gotten more.

This is not a normal for me but I’m learning to break out the shell of procrastinating and let my actions take full effect. In fact I’ll spill you in on a little secret, cooking is now becoming my new favorite hobby!

I plan to unwind the rest of my evening, sip a glass of wine, and maybe sit here the whole entire week (just kidding.) Overall I’ve enjoyed my Sunday and I pray you all find joy in the mist of your day ❤️.

“Sundays are for family, food, relaxation & wine…”

After a long week of work my vacation has officially started. I’ve worked myself like crazy this week and dreaded for this time to come. I’ve been challenging myself to go in early to only end up working late. I call myself trying to stay busy to regain focus when I may have been overdoing things lately.

Normally when people take vacation they go on VACATION! Not me this time I plan to reset, restore, and renew myself. I look forward to doing a week of absolutely nothing but the gym. I think I may be even more excited to cut off my alarms for the week.

I look forward to enjoying some time with myself and for each day I’ve planned some things for me to do. Like spa day, movie day, and I’ve even included hiking. This is my first year not flying anywhere and being home while I vacate but it wouldn’t be life if I didn’t encounter this change.

Hope you all stay safe and have a great weekend, all next week is me time so I won’t blog for the next week. I thank you all for supporting me from all over the world. I hope to share more when I return.

With ❤️

-Courtney